We live in a pretty amazing time when it comes to pop culture fandom. It seems like these days there is almost no fandom that isn’t being catered to in one form or another. Almost every property and brand, both new and old, has a slew of products being produced all the time. It’s pretty rare these days when fans are left wanting for stuff to buy to celebrate their fandom. But it wasn’t that long ago when one had to make due with an absence of available junk to buy. Even though the 80s saw a merchandising boom the level with which had never been seen before, there were some pretty large brands that were conspicuously barren of toy lines, if only for awhile.
As a kid I was never wanting for toys. I had plenty. Probably too many; I was lucky and well aware of it. That being said, there were a number of toys that I desperately coveted, not just because I didn’t have them, but because no one did. At a time when I was almost literally hip deep in G.I. Joe and Transformers toys there were a few movie and TV properties that I was quickly becoming infatuated with that I would have traded anything I owned for little plastic action figure representations. Live action shows like Street Hawk and Airwolf, cartoons like Thundarr the Barbarian or Dungeons & Dragons, or movies like The Dark Crystal, Buckaroo Banzai and the Monster Squad all seemed perfect for action figure lines though they never really had proper sets. When we were living in a world that had Love Boat and M*A*S*H action figures but none for the V mini series or the Last Starfighter, something seemed wrong. But that never stopped me from pretending these action figures existed and I spent a good portion of my youth playing with toys that ended up doing double duty.
There were a ton of properties that I wished had toys, but number one on that list of coveted action figure lines had to be the Ghostbusters. And before people start pointing out that Kenner put out the Real Ghostbusters toys in 1986, yes, I was vaguely aware of those as a kid, but my folks never indulged my “requests” for them and honestly what I really wanted anyway was 3.75″ figures based on the first two films. I adored the design of the movies AND the cartoon, but the movies are what were continuously looping through my imagination. So in the absence of official movie toys I spent a lot of time playacting with a stand in figure pulled from the ranks of my G.I. Joe collection, the sniper Lowlight…
Without question my mind’s eye took one look at Lowlight’s gray fatigues with the little pop of red on the shoulder and it immediately evoked the Ghostbusters II variation of the costumes worn by Winston, Egon, Ray and Peter. It didn’t bother me in the slightest that he also sported those red goggles. I just considered those to be a version of the night vision goggles that Ray wore in the first movie. To complete the effect I added in another accessory, the backpack and laser rifle from another Joe team mainstay, Sci-Fi, as a stand in for the proton pack. It has that convenient hose hooking the rifle to the backpack and even though it was lime green, I really didn’t care. Lowlight was totally busting ghosts all over my U.S.S. Flagg and under the TV stand (where most of my toy battles took place.) I also distinctly remember asking my parents for multiple Lowlight figures so that I could pretend that I had all of the Ghostbusters, but again they never indulged me.
As far as official Ghostbusters toys, it wasn’t until this past year when I finally got my hands on a nice set of honest to goodness movie figures (although we still haven’t gotten any in the 3.75″ range.) Even with those new figures (which are really awesome), I’m glad that I still have a Lowlight in my collection as he does a new kind of double duty representing multiple forms of nostalgia for me. I’d be lying if I said I also didn’t use him as a stand-in for Stringfellow Hawk from Airwolf and Cyclops from the X-Men from time to time as well.
Speaking of Sci-Fi from G.I. Joe, he not only lent his backpack and rifle to Lowlight to complete the Ghostbusters action figure cosplay in my head, but he was also a stand in for the next pop culture property that was in desperate need of action figures for a a couple years at the tail end of the 80s. After seeing the ultraviolent Robocop flick in theaters in 1987 I became obsessed with the character. As kids, time moves at a complete different pace. We only have this finite amount of time (experience-wise) with which to compare, so each year felt like an eternity. So from 1987 until Kenner eventually ended up releasing a line of Robocop branded toys in 1989 I thought I would never see an official action figure of my favorite futuristic cop released.
To fill this void I enlisted Sci-Fi. I mean, in this figure’s case it was all about the helmet as his day glo green color scheme hardly screamed Robocop. The helmet though, with the thin black visor that only showed a pair of pursed lips, completely read as Robocop to my young eyes. Maybe he has more in common with the fictional TV cop TJ Lazer from the movie, but it just worked for me. The clunky silver boots didn’t hurt either, and I ended up spending hours pretending that Alex Murphy got an upgrade to a lime green paint job after taking on a position in the toxic waste unit of the OCP. In my imagination the “Melting Man” thug at the end of the film became the new head bad guy after gaining the power to reform his body, and in my head he recruited a whole slew of nuclear warriors to battle in the streets of Old Detroit. Murphy’s new armor made him impervious to their toxic waste blasters. Considering the direction of boys toys in the late 80s and into the 90s, this isn’t as far fetched as an idea as it might seem. I mean, we did end up getting a glow-in-the-dark Nightfighter Robocop variant in the Kenner line eventually, as well as nuclear waste inspired figures in numerous toy lines (like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the Toxic Avenger, and even in G.I. Joe.)
Speaking of that 1989 Kenner line of action figures, I did eventually get my hands on the Robocop toy, and he was glorious. He had a cap-firing torso and a removable helmet, so this was one hell of a great toy. Unfortunately, I have yet to replace him in my current collection, so a stock photo will have to suffice…
The more I thought about these stand-in toys the more I realized that I had a lot of G.I. Joe figures that did double duty. The third that really comes to mind was one of my least favorite Joe figures when I first received him as a gift for Christmas, but would soon become one of my all time favorite stand-in toys, Crystal Ball…
Even the weirdest Joe’s have their fans (I’m looking at you Chuckles enthusiasts), but when I got Crystal Ball for Christmas I was…confused. I mean, neat lenticular mind-control shield aside, I didn’t understand the character at all. As the Cobra Hypnotist, he was the lead interrogator for the terrorist organization, but I never quite understood the weird furry collar the character had or why an older character with graying hair was supposed to be cool. Looking back, as a huge Stephen King fan, I never realized that the character was supposed to be an homage to the famous writer. As a member of Cobra, he didn’t hold a candle to the various vipers or B.A.T.S. androids, but that didn’t mean that he wouldn’t be useful in other ways. Though he was consistently “on the bench” during my marathon G.I. Joe battles, about a year after I received him as a gift I was really happy I had him as I had just become infatuated with a new hobby, comic book collecting.
As I’ve written before, I became obsessed with the X-Men around 1987-88, and of course my favorite character quickly became Wolverine. At the time, discovering the X-Men felt like uncovering the most awesome set of characters in comics that I had absolutely no idea ever existed. Though the characters had been around since the 60s and 70s, I had managed to miss out on pretty much all of their pop culture crossovers including the two episodes of Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, the weird Paul McCartney song about Magneto, or in the Secret Wars line of action figures from the mid-80s. As far as I knew I was discovering something totally secret. So immediately needing a Wolverine figure posed an issue as there were none readily available in stores in 1987. But you know who had a passable resemblance to Wolverine’s alter ego Logan? That’s right, Crystal Ball.
He had the hair, the fangs, and the animalistic costume, so between 1988 and 1992 he was my stand-in for Wolverine. Though the 90s are certainly starting to age into that nostalgic feeling in my past, I don’t have the draw to that time and most of that pop culture the way I do for the stuff of the 80s. That being said, one of the last times I was super stoked and still felt like a kid was when I walked into a Kaybee toy store in 1992 and was surprised to find a whole line of X-Men toys on the pegs. Those first Toy Biz Marvel figures were such a surprise to me, and I remember immediately snatching up a Wolverine figure and rushing to the checkout line. Though that toy has been lost to the ravages of time, I was able to find a mint on card replacement recently that still has a vintage Kaybee price sticker still on the package…
So, what were some of your favorite stand-in toys as a kid? Was there a movie or TV show that you desperately wanted action figures for but never had any? Share your stories in the comments below, I’d love to hear them.
