Stupid Giant Robots…


By Shawn Robare

X3 really looks like it’s going to suck.  I kept thinking that it might not, that even though it had a rushed shooting and post schedule that it might be cool.  But so many chips are stacked against it.  First they anounced that Beast would be in the flick.  Not bad, but not great.  Tons of blue fury that could either be a CGI nightmare or a practical nightmare.  Btw, why is it that each flick has to have some special blue character introduced?

Then pictures came out.  Angel, pretty cool.  Beast, ugh, not that bad.  Juggernaut, a live action Ram-man reject from the horrible Masters of the Universe movie.  Calisto, pretty and frail, not quite the ugly scrappy leader of the morlocks from the comics.  Colossus, damn, fake as hell.  You can see his eyes under the metal like it’s a mask.

Story wise, I don’t know.  They’ve anounced Dark Phoenix will be a character, which would suggest that that will be the focus of the flick.  But they also seem to be going with Magneto finally waging a large scale war on humanity, going so far as recruiting the morlocks.  Okay, well that seems like a lot for one flick.

Now the clincher. Sentinals? Why don’t they just try and throw in the X-tinction Agenda story as well. Hell, why not have a subplot with the New Mutants, and have Kitty and Nightcrawler break off and help form Exclibur in the same flick.  How long is this movie going to be?

For the record, giant robots don’t generally work in movies in my opinion.  Sure the robots in Sky Captain were kind of cool, but that flick had major problems with those scenes and besides it was super stylistic.  Sure the AT-AT’s were awesome in Empire, but that was a different time and place.  Giant robots scream Godzilla to me, which isn’t a bad thing as far as Godzilla is concearned, but not so great for an X-flick.  I’m dreading the live action Transformers movie that’s in development, especially since Michael Bay is directing.  Sentinals are the last nail in the X3 coffin as far as I’m concearned.

I think the reason this bothers me so much is that they made such pains to ground the X-flicks in reality as far as style goes.  There really are only a few moments where they get crazy (lame Statue of Liberty fight, tornados vs. jet fighters.)  Sentinals are just giant robot crazy and it just seems like it’s going to be way too cartoon-y.

Oh well.  I guess there’s always that Wolverine prequel.  Though I’m sure they’ll wind a way to make that seem goofy too.  I think it would be awesome if the plot revolved around Logan trying to get hitched to Mariko and having to deal with her family and ninjas.  That seems action oriented enough without involving superhero stuff (since it’ll be a prequel he won’t be all mixed up in superhero business yet, ala the story from the first film.)  Just ditch the Silver Samurai stuff and make it a love story.  Screw the Canadian government and weapon X storylines, and please avoid the Origin stuff that was put out recently.